Pep Talk!

“Years ago I tried to top everybody, but I don’t anymore, I realised it was killing conversation.  When you’re always trying for a topper you aren’t really listening. It ruins communication.” Groucho Marx

Why not try this quiz to focus your thinking on your own active listening skills and find out how effective an active listener you are?

 If your answer is “Always”, mark A, if it is “Sometimes” mark B, if it is “Rarely or Never” mark C

1.    I maintain eye contact with the speaker.

2.     I encourage the speaker with my facial expression and nodding.

3.    I don't pretend interest in the subject - I am genuinely interested!

4.    I have an open posture whilst listening.

5.    I allow the speaker to finish and don't interrupt even if I think I know what they are going to say next!

6.    I listen actively to the speaker even if I disagree with them!

7.    I ignore external distractions (phones, traffic, other conversations etc.) whilst listening.

8.    I summarise what has been said to me to check my understanding is correct. 

9.    I am aware of the speakers body language when I listen.

10.    I am aware of the speakers feelings as they speak to me.

11.    I pick up on changes to the tone of the speakers voice as the subject matter changes.

12.    I ask questions to check understanding.

13.    I am happy to be silent to give the speaker space to think and speak.

14.    I am good at knowing when to speak and when to listen.

15.    I do not day dream or drift off in my own thoughts when listening to someone else.

16.    I do nto mentally prepare a rebuttal whilst the speaker is talking.

17.    I concentrate hard when I listen to someone else.

18.    I do not tune people out who say things I don't agree with or don't want to hear.

19.    I learn something from each person I speak to.

20.    I listen to the speakers viewpoint even if it is different from my own.

Now count up how many A’s, B’s and C’s you scored and find out what kind of active listener you are by reading the key below.

Mostly A’s

You are a fantastic active listener both in and out of work. And people respect you for your ability to communicate clearly and listen intently. You are probably a great influencer and negotiator too!  Keep working at it!

Mostly B’s

You are a capable active listener and could work on changing some of your behaviours so that you get the most out of active listening and avoid any conflicts or misunderstandings.  Start by working on those answers which you gave a “C” to then move on to the B’s.  Think about what you need to do to make the person you are listening to aware that you have really heard what they said. Consider paraphrasing what they said and identify the feelings behind what they said.  Try to be empathetic and non judgemental in your communication, whether verbal or otherwise.

Mostly C’s

Keep working on your active listening skills otherwise you are going to find it extremely difficult to communicate whether in a work or social context.  Pick one or two of the “C” answers you gave, and really practice them in a real context so that you would give those skills an “A” the next time you do this quiz.  Make a conscious effort to understand the complete message being sent by the speaker and not just the words.   If you are confused say so!  Soon you will find that there are less misunderstandings and better communication between yourself and your colleagues and friends.

Some helpful Active Listening Questions to Use

I’m curious...

I’m interested in...

I’d love to know more about...

What would the consequences of that be?

What is the hardest part of that for you?

So what you are saying is....Is that right?

Tell me about...

What do you mean by...?